BODY SHAMING? NO THANKS

 “Your Body is not ruined. You are a tigress who has earned her stripes.”

Hey guys!! I hope everything is fine with everyone and I hope

I was able to deliver the right message regarding endometriosis and

its effects through my last article. I am grateful for all the

messages and love that people sent to me after my surgery. So it's

been 4 months now since my surgery and today what I am going to

address is a very sensitive topic and one that I have been struggling

to admit it to myself since a really really long time because well its

hard to admit the harsh reality life has to offer most of the

times. I would like to thank you for your patience and for taking the

time to read my blog. I don't know whether any of this will be an

eye-opener or not but it definitely was for me. Also, people have told

me I have the ability to take people into my story and the journey

behind it effortlessly. Well, I don't know about that but writing it all out

helps me see my thoughts clearly. It's like my mind is speaking to

me through my words.

The one thing that I liked about myself was my body and my ability

to carry it gracefully every time. I was really proud of my body after I

had shed 25 kilos back in 2017 after much hard work and

dedication until today. Today when I was standing in front of the

mirror the one looking back at me wasn't at all me, something had

changed in all these years. Whenever I went in for a surgery post

my diagnosis with endometriosis the only irrational fear I had was

what if I gain weight and start looking all plump and chubby but that

kinda never happened that much and I was able to pull myself

through back into form most of the time until today when someone

started pointing out that I had started gaining....not that it looked bad

but you might want to look at it. Although they had my best interests

in mind but that point hurt me a lot. Since my recent surgery, I had

been struggling a lot with my body image...even if someone looks at

me closely they won't notice any visible changes but there have

been a lot of physical changes with my body a lot lately.

Post my diagnosis because of the injections and hormonal meds

and infinite high dosage pain killers the most I struggled was with

pain and maintaining my figure as it is but today I realized that no

matter how hard you try it's not going back to what it was.

Hormones really damage your entire system beyond repair and it’s

hard to go back and that more than half of the people don’t

understand. They don’t understand that Endometriosis is not just a

disease concentrated in the uterus, sometimes it’s life-threatening, it

damages your rectum as well as other parts of the body and makes

it really hard to poop every day, well even passing urine is like going

to hell and coming back and then there’s the usual 24*7 pain. Even

after all that we try hard to work and workout and lead a normal life

like nothing happened. Moreover accepting your new scars and

bodily changes right after an excision surgery or any surgery for

that matter is so hard and no one really prepares you for that

and no one prepares you for the pain that you go through every day

with endometriosis nor the mental and physical trauma that you go

through every day.

Everyone expects you to look a certain way these days that they

forget that all sizes are beautiful in their own way, all scars are

beautiful and the only thing you gotta do is accept yourself the way

you are and love yourself unconditionally because others can't see

you the way you see yourself and that's the beauty of it.

Each woman's body demands to be accepted on its own

terms and not on somebody else's. If we make self-love or body

acceptance conditional, the truth is we will never be happy with

ourselves. The reality is that our bodies are constantly changing be

it with having endometriosis or nothing at all and they will never

remain exactly the same. If we base our self-worth on something as

ever-changing as our bodies we will forever be in the emotional

roller coaster of body obsession and shame because anything we

do is never enough according to the standards we have set in our

mind that constantly reminds us that we need to look a certain way

to feel empowered and beautiful.

Today we have so many celebs and influential people addressing

body shaming and body image on global platforms but I remember

when I was young like when I was in school and college there was

no one to tell me all these inspirational quotes and positive stuff. I

was on my own. Everybody around me and most of my friends kept

reminding me that i wasn't acceptable or beautiful or that there was

something lacking in me. I wasn't even 1% of what I am today,

beautiful or hot or cute or confident as people often like

complimenting me with these days. I always used to feel inferior in

front of my friends who were much more pretty and beautiful and

thin than me which kind of led to a massive breakdown that I had

long before I started my weight loss journey. I spent hours crying in

my room because I thought I looked like a potato an ugly one that

too. I got that same feeling 7 years later today when I saw myself in

the mirror but a lot has changed in me between then and now. Now

I don’t think I can push myself more than my body can take in

because my body is already trying to survive a surgery and a whole

body disease. I am just going to take really small baby steps at

attaining my body back but with the intention that I will always try to

love my body the way it is and not look at it like it's someone else's

body and not mine just because some people think that I don't look

the same which they mean to say is I am becoming fat again

because they don't know what it is to survive a painful condition like

endometriosis.

I have really struggled a lot to accept my body when I was

diagnosed and after that when I was operated on. It was and is such a

difficult journey in itself that life doesn't prepare you for but I have

always tried to remind myself that if I can survive 4 years' worth of

pain then I can very well survive anything else no matter how hard it

is. The only thing I would like to say is never judge someone based

on their figure because you don't know where that person is coming

from and how hard it is for him or her to accept themselves. Body

shaming is real..sometimes people do that to us and sometimes we

unintentionally do that to ourselves. And as someone close to me

said the person who had lost weight 7 years ago was completely

different from the one trying to lose weight now….well he was right

in a way and somewhere down the line I think I knew that but I was

finding it hard to accept it. I was healthy back then and I had the

energy needed and now I am not and just to please myself I was

pushing myself hard to get into shape. I have written this article over a couple of weeks as soon as I started realizing that my body had changed a lot in the past couple of months. I am taking this whole journey of weight loss slowly and I am not starving myself to death but instead I am eating healthy pretty much the same like before, gulping down less pain killers, walking every day however much I can and not forcing my body to go through rigorous training or anything. At first I didn’t want to get up but now I am kinda loving my morning walks. Endometriosis is a whole body disease and it impacts you in more ways than you think but I believe that even if I didn’t have endometriosis I would like people to think that their bodies are beautiful the way they are and there’s no need to fit into a certain size. Let people love you the way you are rather than you changing yourself according to their preferences. Most importantly the message here is stay fit and stay healthy and love yourself for being you.

So finally, Am I going to sacrifice my mental health and sleep to have the

perfect body? No I am not. What about you?

P.S – You must be wondering that why is it always about something or the other related to endometriosis in my blog pots. The answer is simple. Half of the population doesn’t know what it is and they assume it’s a simple what you call LADIES ISSUE and ignore us and our pain saying you are over reacting and you are thinking of something that’s not there. Even the doctors don’t believe you and you are left out there searching for answers and solutions when every 1 in 10 has it and it still goes undiagnosed for years. By the time you have proof in your hands its already too late. So if you reading this has it or anyone you know has please believe them and push them to get a diagnosis. It’s a whole body disease and it’s damn painful. As said by my close friend you have something really painful and something that people would never get but that doesn’t make you any less desirable or less confident or less beautiful or less successful. I am what I am and I think I wouldn’t have come this far without the help of my parents and friends and my office peeps. There’s endless number of hands guiding me on my way every day and those who don’t let me jump of the roof that easily. So go find your tribe and don’t underestimate YOURSELF.